"Fathers, be good to your daughters; Daughters will love like you do. Girls become lovers, who turn into mothers; So mother's be good to your daughters too."
10 years ago, there was no one in the world that could have convinced me that I would look to my own mother's techniques on how to raise my daughter. My younger sister and I both resolved that if we ever had children we would do everything the opposite of her because we felt forever scarred and traumatized by her strict & unorthodox methods of discipline. Although at times, she was extreme and borderline abusive, it is only now that the message of her tactics has become clear. She refused to fail as a parent and she refused to give up on her daughters. Now by today's standards my sister and I were the ideal children; excellent grades, well behaved, disciplined and obedient for the most part. And any minor transgressions were quickly thwarted by harsh punishment even until the day we turned 18. Although part of me resented living in a sheltered bubble for my entire childhood, I do not regret the outcome. We learned valuable lessons about self-respect, classiness, work-ethic that many of the young ladies of the younger generations are lacking. Those 3 things, when exhibited in all areas of life are what define womanhood, but they must be instilled from early on to make any impact in the future.
I could name several examples of young girls that I know who lack one or all of those traits but for personal privacy I will omit those anecdotes. However, the parents in their lives either do not know how to teach these things because they themselves lack it OR they realize the problem too late and give up before they've even started. I'm a firm believer that NO CHILD IS A LOST CAUSE. And giving up on your daughters has got to be the greatest tragedy of our society. The reason being is that 99% of the time, we rebel as a way of seeking validation. In a sense, we don't know ourselves, so we don't love ourselves and all we are looking for is someone who will love us enough for us to find a reason to love ourselves. It is rare that a mother alone can do this, especially when she herself may not have all the answers. And sometimes even with a father around, if he isn't an active participant in discipline and nurturing, it has the same effect.
Ultimately the last thing you want to do is deflect the problem onto someone else. Sending your daughter to someone else to "fix her" is a mistake I've seen backfire over and over again. Because the message you're sending is that you have given up, that you are not strong enough to deal with someone you have birthed, and that you no longer care enough to fight for her. You have to fight, pray, and then fight some more, so the more she pushes, the more you pull closer. And even when you're at your wit's end, you kneel down and pray again and then get up and fight some more. And once you're done everything within your power, keep on fighting still but never forget to love her with the love of God. That unrelenting, all-forgiving, truly unconditional love, a love that is more powerful than any in this world.
Kelly's Law: Never stop fighting for your daughter's.
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